


Proposal

by mind_and_malady



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, how sad do you want to feel today because if the answer is really then this is the fic for you, i set out to write a happy fic full of justice and marrige proposals and now im just so upset, this could conceivably be in the same verse as Proditorious but like waaay after
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 05:37:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2217708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mind_and_malady/pseuds/mind_and_malady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sam unlocks the door to his motel room, unhappy to find Lucifer curled up on the bed with his back to the door."</p><p>Lucifer has issues, and Sam is determined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Proposal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> I'm so sorry, this wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be cute and there was supposed to be an on screen argument and then like an ultra cute marriage proposal, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that of /course/ Lucifer would be really upset and broken inside and that there would be a bazillion issues with everything. And then this happened and I am so so sorry.

Sam unlocks the door to his motel room, unhappy to find Lucifer curled up on the bed with his back to the door. He sets the small stack of books in his arms down on the small table by the door, toes off his shoes, and sits down on the bed in front of Lucifer.

The silence drags for a moment before Sam sighs, and reaches out to run a hand through Lucifer’s hair. “Hey,” he says, voice quiet as he watches Lucifer’s eyes flicker open. He looks sad and angry and very, very tired. It’s a look that Sam is far too familiar with, and it always means the same thing.

“Sam,” is the only response he gets, his name a long and drawn out sigh of relief. Lucifer relaxes a bit, holding himself a little less tightly as Sam continues to drag long fingers through his hair.

Sam stretches out on the bed, and curls towards Lucifer, mimicking his position on the bed. Sam’s been finding Lucifer like this a lot lately, and he’s getting sick of it. He isn’t angry at Lucifer – more like he’s angry at the people who are causing Lucifer pain.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Sam offers calmly, without a trace of pressure in his voice.

“It’s the same as usual,” Lucifer sighs. “Michael tried to apologize, and he ended up blaming me for everything. _Again,”_ he tacks on, visibly annoyed. “Dad showed up, blamed _me_ for starting the argument, and then started yelling at Michael for even talking to me in the first place. I left while they argued about why Michael needs permission to see me.”

Sam wonders if there’s a way to kill God. He’s had this thought before, and frequently. Too frequently. Pretty much every time he finds Lucifer hurt and seething with anger in his motel room, actually. At this point, he might even settle for killing Michael, but neither him nor God are going to be dead by Sam’s hand anytime soon, unfortunately, because there isn’t any way to kill them that Sam’s found. And he’s been looking.

He settles for wrapping an arm around Lucifer and hauling him in close, and Lucifer burrows close to his chest like it’s the only place he wants to be. He presses a kiss to the side of Lucifer’s head by way of comfort. Sam’s long since learned that it’s best to stay quiet once Lucifer starts talking, otherwise he might bottle it up and refuse to talk until it’s nearly killing him.

“I’m tired of this,” Lucifer confesses, voice muffled against the fabric of Sam’s shirt. “They thought I was broken, so they threw me into the Cage, and even though I’m out and they know that they were wrong, they still refuse to admit it. Michael isn’t even _capable_ of admitting it. Every time he tries he turns it around so that it becomes my fault, and Dad doesn’t even pretend to try. They abandoned me in the dark for millions of years, Sam, and they’re still treating me like I _deserved it.”_

Sam’s arms tighten around him and he presses his face into the softness of Lucifer’s hair. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, fighting against the tight ball in his throat. He tells himself, firmly, that he isn’t going to cry, because Lucifer hates it when Sam cries for him.

“I was so sure that I could prove them wrong,” Lucifer continues. “I was so sure of it. Once I escaped, I could prove to them how wrong they were. But even now, with all the proof they should ever need, they still don’t see. Or they see, and refuse to admit it.” Lucifer takes a deep breath, and when he continues, his voice is much softer. “Why did he build me like this, Sam? Why would he build me to think, to question, and throw me away for doing what he made me to do?”

Sam swallows. “I don’t know,” he confesses. “But I’m glad he did, especially if doing it differently meant I couldn’t have you.”

He can feel Lucifer smile against his shoulder. “I think I may have gone insane without you,” he says, almost thoughtfully. “If I hadn’t known that you were going to be born and I would get to meet you, then I might have just let the Cage consume me.” Then he laughs, just a little. “And if I had known that I would have _this_ , for however long? I think I would have managed to tear the Cage apart, just to be near you.”

Sam’s heart constricts in his chest, and he tries to breathe. “What do you mean, for however long?” he asks, hoping that he’s wrong but knowing that he probably isn’t.

Lucifer pulls away slightly, just enough that Sam can see his face, and the awful expression of tired resignation on it. “Sam,” he sighs. “I’ve never been one to hold on to false hope. I’ve never deluded myself into thinking that just because I have you now, that I will be allowed to keep you.”

Sam feels his heart break in his chest, and he closes his eyes and tries to breathe, but it’s too late. He can feel a few tears dripping down his face, and Lucifer is suddenly moving, hands cupping Sam’s face and wiping away the tears. “No, no, Sam, don’t cry. It’s okay, Sam, it’s alright, really –”

Sam opens his eyes, and all he can see is Lucifer, looking concerned and kind and sad, and he has to swallow back more tears. He forces himself to take a shaking breath, and reaches out to curl a hand around Lucifer’s jaw, thumb brushing over his cheekbone. Lucifer leans into the touch, still watching as Sam tries to gather his words.

He gives up, just gives up and leans in. Sam kisses Lucifer like they have all the time in the world, warm and firm and just a tiny bit desperate, tries to convince him without words that he will _never_ of his own free will leave Lucifer behind. When he pulls away to breath, he doesn’t go far, just leans his forehead against Lucifer’s and holds his eyes. Lucifer stares back, his whole face gone soft while he stares at Sam like he’s the only person who’s ever mattered, and Sam has bite his lip to keep himself from crying again.

“Marry me,” Sam says, voice wobbly from crying but determined. He doesn’t look away, doesn’t even blink as Lucifer’s eyes widen in surprise. “I’m not going to leave you unless they drag me kicking and screaming away from you. Marry me, Lucifer.”

Lucifer’s mouth has fallen slightly open, and he just keeps staring, eyes wide with shock and disbelief. He looks like he’s been rocked to his core, but Sam doesn’t care. He doesn’t move, doesn’t flinch at the lack of response, waiting patiently while Lucifer processes something that goes directly against what he’s convinced himself is true.

His voice, when it comes, is very soft, and very small. “Yes,” he breathes quietly into the air between them, and Sam smiles so hard his face hurts. “I – Sam – _yes._ ”

Sam kisses him again, soft and warm and toe-curling. “I love you,” Sam declares, once they both pull back. “I will always love you. Nothing is going to change that, or break it, or take it away.”

Lucifer blinks rapidly, and for a moment Sam doesn’t understand, but then the tears start falling. He wraps Lucifer in his arms, holds him tight and kisses his hair while he works through the knot of emotions in his chest. Sam knows that this isn’t going to fix everything, obviously. Lucifer has literally thousands of years’ worth of abandonment issues, family fighting, and who even knew what else. But it feels like a start, like since he's managed to break down one wall, maybe he can get through the rest of them.

And damnit, he's going to. It might take the rest of his life, might even take up most of his afterlife, but he doesn't care. If it takes him a thousand years, he'll help Lucifer through this. _  
_


End file.
